My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
