I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
