Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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