I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Randomize
