My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
