what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
