I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
