I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
