"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
