dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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