there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
