they need to just BURY HIM!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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