just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize