Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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