We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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