I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
