i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
