Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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