Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Boobs are out for the taking
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
