My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
