I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
