Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
