Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
