i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
