as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
