if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
