JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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