This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
