If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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