she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
