On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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