You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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