my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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