She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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