I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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