Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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