he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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