im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
