how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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