Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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