My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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