We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
