so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That reminds me...we need to get swords
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
as a side note pls kill me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
