if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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