I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
