you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
