May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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