my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize