I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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