i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
