Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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