carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
