there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How external is "for external use only"?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
