Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just invented taco cereal.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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