I'm so fucking centered right now
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
