Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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