Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
