I puked a lego.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
