For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
