Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
