..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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