It's Friday. Sex?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
