There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
