the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
