I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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