she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
