If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
