So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
