yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
