i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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